Sometimes I think I have to think…….alot today.  I have been caught up in my own emotional state because of this week.  My parents 54^th Anniversary shouldn't play on my mind so much but it does because Brenda (me) was always the keeper of the holidays….Meaning that when it was a birthday or anniversary or other kind of important date I was the one out there being the cheer leader, “C’mon, lets get a cake, who’s got the balloons, did someone get a gift and who is coming and what are we having to eat” person.   You know, the high energy type “A” personality that gets up running and goes on just 5 cups of coffee a day?   I would love to gently allow these days to fade from my mind, but let’s admit that to do that now would mean my mind was fading, not the memory.  I am not sure I am up to that yet!

Anyhow, back to where I started…I was caught up in myself today and started cooking like I used to cook.  Not for 3 but for 6 to 8…I didn't think it through, I was into the cutting and cooking and smelling and out came this big pot of stew….Not the kind of stew I would make in the states obviously because it would be more meaty and more brown and full of the fall veggies that we would get in NY in the fall.  But I put in potato, jicama, carrots, onions, some celery and some garlic, browned those in a butter to capture the taste, browned the meat on the side (I add a little vinegar here because I think the meat is a little gamey and want to smooth that out) and then add them together and let the flavors mingle.  It makes the house smell so good and then you look at this big pot of wonderful stew (yes, I know, that is my opinion)   So,  I didn't think it through.  I made this huge pot and not enough people to enjoy it’s goodness and so impulsively I did something else…..

I called friends of ours.  Now we've been going back and forth for years visiting these people.  We have our reasons for coming to Belize and they have theirs.  Ours are fairly simple, we wanted out of the rat race we were in.  It was killing us both not only emotionally and mentally but physically it was killing me and we needed to be in a lot less stressful environment. We figured out that we were working to pay others and it wasn't really living.  Now, we are the type of people that like to interact with others.  We always enjoyed doing for others as much as we would do for ourselves.  It was always in our nature to spend time with other people and enjoy their company.    But not everyone is the same as us……some people move to Belize simply because people overwhelm them.   Some people move here to be left alone.  Some people move here just to retire and enjoy their days doing not much of anything and some people come here to be with others in their own little cliche.  Some expats come to become preppers, with the idea that the world will end or that there will be a zombie apocalypse!

I didn't think about how much time this week we've spent together and how often these really great friends of ours really interact with others so I called expecting a “YES, I would love to have some of your delicious stew” and got a “well, I have to check and see what the spouse thinks” answer.  Looking back and thinking it through I remember how often they have interacted with us and it was never more than once or twice a week.  We have been together about 3 times this week doing things.  They live really far out in Bush land and seem like solitary people and here I was being my over abundant self and now I feel bad.  Charlie says I am paranoid but when I explained what I really thought he agreed, maybe I've overstepped and interfered and put someone in a bad position without realizing it.  I didn't think it through.

Now, I could let that eat me up and quite literally when I was in the rat race I would have.  I would have let it bother me so much more.  But being here I get to think…..I get to think things through and I find myself being excited with life again…..I am enjoying being able to think and have quiet around me and the sound of the waves in the lagoon, the sound of the roosters crowing and kids riding their bicycles by and having fun and the quiet hum of the refrigerator are all that I have to disturb me.  I can enjoy the smell of the stew that is quietly simmering on my stove and be thankful that I HAVE the stew.  And I can let go of the small things like, did I bother my friends too much because in Belize, they don’t sweat the small stuff and I know my friends will only politely smile at me and know that in some ways I am trying to break the traditions of the rat race and slow the “f” down Belizean Style………Have you ever just wanted to slow down Belizean Style?  Could you find a way to make that happen for you?