Corozal.

Well, I guess it's time to update (Lord, where does the time go?) the blog...I feel really negligent in not attending to it as frequently as I wanted.   Here's the thing, we've added for a brief time period another person back into our day to day lifestyle (Welcome Em!) and moved again and started a whole new chapter.  I miss the village, not the bugs or the ferry or the problems with the internet or the lack of a sink in the kitchen, but the people, especially our friends at Copper Bank Inn, Dove & Phil.....But we do go back every Saturday and will continue to as long as the roads allow to help out on Saturdays and hopefully we will do a little more bar hopping in the upcoming weeks!!!(Thanks Phil, I needed that!)
So, the changes, the scenery (I don't have the lagoon at my front door), I have HOT water, a KITCHEN,Cable with HBO and other channels,  a fenced in yard, two really nice bathrooms, the bedrooms are bigger, there is a constant breeze where I live since I am "up the hill" from the bay.  I am now Out of the bedroom with my painting and into the main area, CJ is going through Orientation (this is his last week of it and then he's off for the summer, though College starts back up on August 26th...)a nice fenced in yard where we are starting to work towards a garden, an airy carport that we hope to create an outside living space, and some really nice neighbors.
There is a social atmosphere here in Corozal, most of the former residents of the States and Canada and England living here in Corozal meet at Jam Rock on Wednesdays and I've joined the group of women who play darts there on Wednesdays....it's fun and for a brief time period I feel as though I am just enjoying myself again and not working on Wednesday's breaks up the week....Most days I am spending my time with the housework (no, I didn't hire a maid like everyone else here does...) planning out and executing the menus is interesting because you never know for sure what you will find when you go to the market, painting and working on my book.  I am trying to start up an Artist's community since I found out about 4 new people have moved into our community and are painters and artisans and we have a lot to commiserate about, things that others don't think about such as how do I make my own canvases since you can't buy them here and what's the best way to get art supplies here?
I am still up in the air about Belize, believe it or not....most days I am fine but I miss seeing my children and my grandchildren.  I think that is the only thing that is really bothersome to me....I know that I could have a decent conversation with them now but they have gotten out of the habit of talking to me in the 9 months we lived in a bad area without any real way of talking.  And they are all so busy with their own lives now, too busy for a Mom so far away....I don't regret this move because it's taught not only me but CJ and Charlie some things.....Life is precious, too precious to spend the days in an office trying to fix other peoples problems and not enough time to grow up together.  You don't always need the best newest brightest next thing from the technological market and if you are lucky enough to get it you appreciate what you have more.  And a final thing is you are not so inclined to fret the small stuff....now if I could only get Em to slow down a little and quit feeling as though she needs to have her whole life planned without even knowing where she wants to go .....what did I do to my children?  I often wonder about that....did I encourage what society forced on them?  Did I make it so they had to PRODUCE without figuring out what it was they wanted to produce? Without figuring out who they were or what they wanted to be?  I find myself not wanting to fix their problems and issues now, I want nothing to do with the problems, I just want to be involved in their lives,....is this because of my move here or is it because I've reached an age where I just want to be me?  Or is it because I just want to enjoy what I have left of this precious gift of life?
I am sure things like my parents and Charlie's Dad's death played into how I perceive things....I am now not so focused on keeping up with things because I realize that things will and do go on with or without my input .I am more focused now on what I need to do to make this world a better place....and what things are truly important!!!
When Em got here she had some major issues going on....her glasses broke so I had to get them replaced which cost me $400 BZ ($200 US) and she had picked up in her first year of college something that had affected her intestine....I was amazed at how quickly her issues got resolved here by the doctor.  He saw her, requested some blood work and a stool sample, we took them in the next day to be analyzed and the Doctor saw us again that day and issued some medication and she is on her way to having some important problems resolved.....within a few days...the total cost of her care her was under $100 US....it would have cost us so much more than that in the States....
On most days I have everything I could ever want....except my grandchildren......life is good in Corozal!

You are lucky...

My mind  has been wandering lately, dreaming of the time when I will be reunited with my Girls and having a family celebration and I haven’t been up on writing…sometimes life gets so hard you wonder, who wants to know about your measly little problems compared to the big issues of Boston’s bombing or how there isn’t a budget or how people are being shot and killed for nothing….but then something struck me today and I think I need to voice it….

My nephew (I love him dearly) was posting on how he had to wait in line for 20 minutes for a part and how it was such a pain, to which a friend of his commiserated and piped in about getting a part for a garden tool that he needed to work on his garden….I was thinking about this for a long time because I do not want to come off as critical but here it is in a nutshell….YOU ARE LUCKY…..The people in Belize recycle because they have to, they have no choice. …If something breaks usually the expats that are my friends and I sit and look at each other and shake our heads…we know what comes next….First, let us see if they have something here that we can make do with to create a “part” that will work, or recycle something else that’s broken and see if that will work…if that doesn't work then they have to figure out who and when is someone going to Mexico and can they get the part without paying a fortune in customs, if that doesn't worry you too much you could order the part from the States, it usually takes (when you pay priority mail) 3-4 weeks without it….

And as far as the garden tool my nephews friend was complaining about, YOU ARE LUCKY…..most Belize ans here have one tool, I've seen them do amazing things with the machete…. I've seen them take down whole palm trees (large ones) a piece at a time, “chop” the lawn (Mowers are really expensive here), trim the bush, and sow the garden with a Machete……

I got up from reading this and went to do my wash….American Washers cost upwards of $2000 Bz so rather than buying that initially I started with a wash board…that was hard but exhilarating as I looked at the fresh laundry and knew it was clean…But I now have a “Chinese” washer….you put the wash in, fill it up with a hose and the machine with agitate it for you, of course, it only goes one way as compared to the washers in the States that go both ways, so every once in awhile I pull the wash up  down, then you drain all the soapy water out, as you drain you are also spraying your clothes to make sure you get all the soap out , then you can put it in the spinner part (separate from the washing container) and spin out all the soap, then you put it in the washer part again, but this time your doing a rinse cycle, drain, spray, spin and hang….it takes time….time for me to stand over the thing and do all this stuff….Thank God it isn't broken and I don’t need a new part…..

I know I picked this life, I knew it wasn't going to be easy….The week before last my husband talked to his sister and of all the questions she might have had the only one she asked was what do we do for fun?....Most people probably think we are down here drinking cervesa’s and spending our days sitting around but Charlie and I have developed a bit of a work routine, Charlie more so than I….(I cheat and have Facebook up on the side as I am writing or researching…or even painting) but we rarely do “fun” things…..we are more about living this life and trying to better our community, perhaps too much so…..

 But I have to say this for the people of Belize; they do work hard (when they work! LOL) and there may be times you run into a bad person, but I feel that is the same for any country or group of people….there are always ways that life could be improved….Too many people in the States do not realize how hard life can be.   These people have given me a sense of patience in dealing with issues, sometimes their stoicism is just the way they handle life’s ups and downs and how you have to roll with the punches, I just know that I am looking forward to a visit to the States, but I think I will probably be glad to come back……

Is it better to be in the new era?

I used to think that maybe the women in the 70’s had it all wrong.  That life was easier for a woman in the 50’s or 60’s because there wasn't the added complications of running the house, getting the kids taken care of and working a 9 to 5 job.  That while we had proven we could think just as well as a man we had turned the economy into relying on an extra paycheck and that meant that our children were being raised by others and we had less impact on the values placed on our children. I hated the rules that now established any child could point a finger at a parent and that parent would be rendered ineffective because they knew that some other person, a social worker, would make the decision on whether that parent was good enough or bad enough to continue on.

I felt as though children were being raised in a society that undervalued the parents and that as a parent I had to work harder to prove myself.  And then came the era of being a “soccer mom” , you know, those mothers who worked full time and then spent their evenings running around with their kids to girl/boy scouts, soccer, baseball, piano lessons, dance classes, extra learning centers and in between all the bull tried to teach their children values and then were feeding them MacDonalds because they had no time to prepare and clean up a family dinner.  I thought that if we went back to a younger and less influenced society, something less judgmental that it would be easier to raise children effectually.  Belize is like living in the 40’s or 50’s for women.

Women here stay at home with their children mostly.  If they work they are accountants, teachers, or clerks, not doctors, lawyers, or influential unless they are not “controlled “by men.  By that I mean that once they are married women usually are controlled.  I have talked to the men here that have the mentality that women are less than nothing and that nothing a woman has to say is worthwhile.  The educational system here is that you are required to go to school until you are 14, middle school years are enough and if you want to go farther you have to pay and pay for it.  High school is considered extra and so is University.  The mentality of the village life in Copper Bank is that their way is best and that it has always been this way and will never be any better.  Does that mean it’s a bad life?  I don’t know enough to sit in judgment of this.

But I am shocked by the behavior of some parents here but wonder, is it really all that bad?  It’s not uncommon in the village to see a 4 year old minding a 2 year old.  The 4 year old is usually walking down the street with their younger sibling teaching them the ways of the village life and how to navigate the roads and avoid bad dogs, bad drivers, and mud.  It re-enforces the 4 year old and they become more responsible as far as children go.  Today when Charlie went to pick up Richard, the little boy I've been taking care of , no one was around so he just took him.   When he came back he found out that the 3 year old was taking care of his 9 month old sister who was on a mattress on the floor in the back room.  I thought about the rules of our society, how we would have called 911 and proceeded with police and social workers and firemen showing up and telling the mother she was bad.  This woman works hard.   They have 9 children all together.  She has no electricity so she has to cook over a fire, she has to chop wood, she has to hand wash clothes every day, she has to make the meals fresh because there is no way to store food from one day to the next.  They have been raised by the village and the village mentality is that it’s acceptable to run to the store and leave your children in the care of children.  And there usually isn't any problems going on with it around here…but then?

The issue that bothers me more so is the lack of education.  I have been taking care of Richards wound but am afraid to tell her (contrary to Doctors orders as well) that the wound really needs fresh air.  Their floor is nothing but dirt and the wound is on his heel and even if he doesn't walk around (he is not supposed to) he will get dirt into it because there is no true way to prevent it.  If his mother had been educated in the care of the wound I am sure she would do what is necessary because he is one of her favorites.  You can see how much he has entranced me and I am sure this boy is bright because of the care his mother has given him.  But for a “Gringa” to tell them to do something contrary to the Doctor’s orders is not to be heard…they will do what the doctor or their granny tells them first….

I think that they would like a better life without the pressure that most Americans can put on them.  I was talking to a Belizean man about how he had gotten a work visa and he went to Denver Colorado to work.  He had been hired by a man to work for a year in Colorado and he was sent home earlier than the Mexican man because he knew English and could understand a bit of what was going on…at least that is what he told me.  He wondered at the people in the states and why they worked so much..I asked him what he meant and he told me that in the 6 months he had been there he never had a day off.  He worked every day and that they would bring in the meals for them but they had to pay for them and that he wondered why they worked so hard. I asked him when he was done how much money had he accumulated in the 6 months.  I thought that working all the time would have acquired quite a bit, he told me $600 Bz….that converts to $300 US.  I asked him if they charged him room and board and he told me that was why it was only $600 because they took off for the expense of food and bed.   I thought it must have been some jerk taking advantage of him and told him so.  His cousin in California wants him to give the States another chance but he is afraid.  He doesn’t want to go and have to work every day.  When I told him it was wrong he told me it was not a good idea to argue with his boss since his boss held his visa.  Wow…..

Last week I went into Orange Walk and was talking to one of the shop clerks there.  Now, Orange Walk is a busy suburb in Belize.  There are day trips that come in from the Caye’s so the educational level of the people in that town is a little higher than in my small village.  I was talking to a woman about how I was trying to re-learn my Spanish and needed to use it as much as possible and she said to me that she had a hard time learning it as well.  I was surprised because I thought most Belizean’s spoke Spanish to their children and then the child had to learn English in School.  She told me no, that she was raised to speak English and had to learn to speak Spanish in School.  She said that kind of life was only in the Villages and that the people of Belize truly wanted to be more educated and influenced by other societies.  I started to wonder if they truly did?

What are some of the things you wish you could change about our society?  Have we advanced so far that we might have lost something along the way?

A Purpose

To everything, turn turn, there is a season….I’ve been humming this in my head for about two days and I know what’s going on there.   Lately I have been struggling with “purpose”…..my husband and wonderful family has given me the ultimate of wonderful gifts, a time to do just what I want to do…and I am dissatisfied with it…why?  Because just lately I felt I have lacked a purpose…..

What is the purpose of painting a beautiful picture and hanging it on the wall?  It’s an expression of the soul in my humble opinion, but I often, after living the life of a paralegal question the purpose of my “soul”.   In San Pedro, while Emily was getting her deep stone massage, I was sitting at a table gazing out into the misty green blue waters and watching the distant waves and feeling that I was looking at this beautiful scenery and wondered why I had felt so dis-jointed with myself…why when everything seems to be going so well, I seem to have left kidney stones, illness, stress and problems behind me with the despair I had felt over the loss of my folks and Charlie’s Dad….but I still wondered what the heck was bothering me. 

I had a nice long conversation with Joel, a server in the restaurant that I was waiting in and it came to me in bits and pieces….I told him that (and rightfully so) the group of servers were all working together in a happy group and they had the beautiful scene right before them….what a wonderful life!  Watching them in this beautiful setting and wondering what worries they had behind the scenes….it was a passing thought but then it made me wonder at my own sardonic view point….Life can’t be just happy and expressive….People can’t always be happy.  The artist in me knows this to be true, you can’t see white without seeing black and if you look closely at anything that has white or black in them you will see shades of the opposing characters…hmmm.

So I struggle on a daily basis knowing that my past life did not fit me just right, it was a hard life even though, looking at the people and the lifestyle here in Belize, that most Belizeans would have enjoyed having the indoor plumbing, washing machines, microwaves, play stations, and cable they would probably have left that lifestyle shortly after.  My life before was hard though, it had so many people looking for me to help.  I was constantly being told what to do by my clients, by Charlie, by the kids.  They had no idea of how much my life was centered on just doing for them.  So much so that when I moved here and was told I could finally do the things I had always wanted to do I struggled with finding out me…..I was so lost with not being told that I needed to take care of someone else I had no idea how to handle it…

Here life is a struggle….you struggle to push back the jungle and keep the lawn the lawn, you struggle to get things fixed, like the plumbing or the waiting for parts or waiting for the cable to work or waiting for the internet to come back up.  You adjust to having a life where it isn’t always about the things you have or the things you want but the most basic of needs…..

I have been taking care of a little boy and I feel bad for him and his family but know that to try and help them wouldn’t help at all.  In my typical American mindset I believe that people if they want a better lifestyle should be able to work hard and get here.  There are so many forces to contend with in this world that as Americans we believe we are owed a better life just because of birth.  I look at this child and know that he is one of a family of 9, that the family knows no better and the mother keeps giving her husband what he wants because whether or not he is a good provider he is a husband and a husband has control here.  There are not enough men staying in Belize, they leave it because they think the good life is the American way…..

So, she bears 9 children and keeps the husband happy and the husband who actually is trying to make a better life is a fisherman.  The fishermen are told that they need to take the boats out only once a month even though to make ends meet the normal fisherman would go out 4 times a month.  The reasoning is that Belize counts on its tourist market and that most people come to view the sea life and the fishermen were taking that all away…..by fishing?

They live in a two room concrete box.  No indoor plumbing, no TV, no music, one child on top of the other in three small beds and a hammock.  The boys foot was further butchered by the hospital here, thinking they were doing the child a favor cut away all the dead skin thinking in their un knowledgeable way that the dead skin might hold disease instead of cleaning it well and letting it heal.  They have so little.  Yet, when I talk to the little boy he smiles at me and seems very happy.  Very adjusted to dealing with the idea that he can’t walk around for a bit.  So patient that I know as  I clean the wound with the hydrogen peroxide and see it foaming I know that he is in pain….I say to him “Richard, I am so sorry I have to hurt you” and this little 8 year old looks at me and smiles, he says “Don’t worry, Miss Brenda, tomorrow I will be better” and I feel so selfish in my thinking.

I am angry with myself because I don’t understand how to be free and to be creative and to be myself and this little boy puts it all in perspective…..it’s easy to be yourself when you set the bar at just being happy.    You don’t need internet, a deluxe washing machine, cable and lightning fast internet, you just need to be happy with what you have and what you set your goals to achieve.  I have a purpose….

Patience and me,....AGAIN!!!..

So, the one thing I promised myself is that I would be honest with myself about this blog.   And sometimes it's hard to make myself sit down and actually write what's in my head because it isn't all fun and games and yet, I know in order to be myself I have to put sometimes the bad thoughts that run through my head down.
There are things I love about Belize and on most days I would say (more now so than ever) I was happy with the move here.   You have to develop a deep sense of patience, not only with people and things but with the lifestyle itself.  Things are slow to gain here which when something finally works and works right you have a good feeling. An example would be our truck....it's had it's endless fixes being done and I blame that on the condition of the vehicle (it's 14 years old and been through some rough northern winters with salt and snow and all) Our mechanic is a cheap worker (I had a fuel pump replaced and the gas tank replaced as well and all of this cost us less than $500 Belize which is $250 US)  Most parts on the car are repaired rather than replaced because it's hard to get car parts in a third world country which makes the mechanics in this country a little more workable and not demanding of new parts every time you turn around so the cost is less and it's better on the environment.  Currently there is a short somewhere in our electrical system and no one seems to be able to find it.  It probably would take days to fix and I don't want to give up the vehicle while my daughter is visiting so I have to pick and choose.  Since this short seems to only affect the lights we have chosen to delay getting the repair done but it's still not a hardship since we rarely go out about in the night.  I have learned to deal with it.....
Another thing that I have learned to deal with is the toilet.  Initially it was a small leak that would go onto the concrete floor but eventually it's turned into a freaking river.  Charlie had tried so many times to fix it that it seems exhausting.  Finally I've noticed there is a crack in the tank and I wonder at the longevity of it.  It seems as though it had been there before but covered with epoxy.  Since we are renting I don't want to buy a brand new one to the benefit of my landlord but I know for a fact that my landlord doesn't have any money right now to do the repair.  We have been using a garden hose in the bathroom to pour water into the toilet to flush it so we don't have to deal with the water all over the floor but still, something you have to live with.

These little things do try the patience of anyone.  And it has to be put in perspective.  There were time in the states when I felt I had the patience of a saint when dealing with some of the IT issues that I had experienced in the office that would make my life "easier".   I look back at those times and just recently had an IT issue down here and I don't have the patience for it.  I ask myself why?  Why have I lost the ability to deal with the issues that I used to spend hours upon hours dealing with in the states?  Why am I so impatient with the things I used to be more patient with?  And why am I blaming the country instead of putting the blame directly on the product?
Two of my wonderful daughters came down to see us for Christmas and I thought they would enjoy it for different reasons here. Emily got up the first day and went for a walk with her father and got to see the village and the people here and even though she is shy I think she understands the community better.  Joan was bothered by the heat, it overwhelmed her.  The bugs, the broken toilet and the tiny bathroom bothered her.  The material things got to her.   Joanie was so unhappy and caught me at a time when I felt the need to tell her there were times I hate it here.  I was being honest...at that moment.......
I miss my kids terribly and would love to be closer to them to help them out when needed and it was especially hard when my eldest gifted the world with my granddaughter.  I truly wanted to be near her to help her, unlike my mother who couldn't be there for me so many times and wanted to. I wanted to hold her hands and explain things as they happened since I seem to have been an expert in bearing kids, I have done it about 5 times myself.....
I was impatient with the system here that I have to pick and choose when I can come back to the states to see the girls because we are trying to get residency here.  Residency is a benefit to us but it will try us terribly for the first year.  We are only allowed so many consecutive days to leave the country otherwise we have to start all over again with a new year of paying the monthly visa's to earn that title.  Charlie and I are trying very hard not to push the system....We are liked here in the village and we like the village a lot so far.  The people can be all that is good and bad in ANY community, here or in the states...We would like to hold out for that.
There are quite a few expats down here like us, trying for residency and we all admit there are days you want to scream "I QUIT".....
Then there are days like today...The wind is blowing nicely and all I hear outside is the birds, the wind blowing off the lagoon, the fisherman as they fix the boat.  The weather is wonderful today... The thought of the snow, coldness, wind and wetness of the states drives me to shivers...I know this is where I am meant to be...Do I want to see my girls?  Yes.  Would I love to have a ice cream sundae?  Yes.  I have to deal with what I can and what I can not have...but unlike in the states where my "wants" were so much more materialistic,  here my wants are more realistic.  I want a good day with a nice breeze.  I want to be healthy and not have my bones ache.  I want to see my kids.
The reality of the situation is this, the majority of my children had grown and gone on in their own lives.  It was rare that they called upon us.  They had their own concerns and their own lives and I wasn't a necessity as I had been in their childhood and I knew it....sometimes I just wish I was a necessity but then not only did they have to grow up but I did too.  I have to find my way back to myself and it's hard to do but being here helps.  The majority of the people here appreciate my creativity.  They like my art, they like us for who we are and I like that...now if I could only develop patience with the process of reclaiming myself.......
Have you ever wondered where you were headed, not knowing but knowing it was different from everyone else's expectations of yourself?

Lamainai

 Yesterday we all went to Lamainai, a Ruin that has over 800 “buildings” on it.  As the tour guide, Mr. Reyes explained, most Mayan Civilizations started with 13 buildings, one for each of the Gods within their beliefs, the son of the King was responsible for doing one building for each of their Gods and to beautify the buildings built by their fathers and grandfathers…till finally, at the location there is over 800 buildings, one of the biggest ruins there…It was taken over by vegetation and eventually the Spider Monkeys settled there.  It was amazing to look at the mostly covered mounds and realize underneath the mounds were buildings, some of them, the Jaguar Temple and the Ball court had been excavated and could be seen and even climbed upon…

This trip was one of the most amazing trips I had ever been on, the tour started on what the “English” named the New River but the Mayans had originally called “The River of Many Faces” which made sense since it runs 80 miles through Belize and actually goes up into parts of Guatemala….it was used as a means of transportation for the Mahogany wood Britain exported by floating the logs down the New River…The Mayan name for the river was more righteous since the people living here, Mexicans, Mayans, Garafuna, and the mixed races all used the river for transportation.  England in it’s typical fashion always decided what was best. They had landed on the country thinking they were going to Honduras and found out it wasn’t and named the small country the British Honduras and took the land away from the Mexicans.  He (Mr. Reyes) doesn’t say these things to you as he takes you down this river, he simply says the English did this, the Mayans did that and you can come up with your own conclusions if your mind is into it.

As you travel down the River to get to the ruins you slide along water that at times looks like glass, its shiny surface so smooth and tranquil, there are parts that are rough and you can see the flow of the river and feel the bumps as the boat hits them.  There are so many different types of vegetation, the Gumbo-limbo tree, the jackass bitters, the palms of Coconut, banana, and the flora of the country and the birds…the birds were wonderful.  The white heron as it takes off from the tree and flies silently by with its wings making small adjustments to glide so gracefully, a truly inspiring sight.  The blue heron, the Kingfisher with it’s bright red chest, the boat billed duck, and the most amazing birds with their beautiful noises.  And the Vultures..I thought about Shawn as the tour guide was telling us the Vulture was one of the top 10 in the world of Stench because of the acid within their stomachs.  They can eat things with diphtheria, typhoid and other diseases and because of the acid within their stomach can digest them without getting sick.  One of the birds we saw was over 5 feet tall and a huge wingspan, we were told it was bigger than an American Candor…It stood in the base of the bed and was graceful and tall.  There are these birds that are native to Belize that live on the Lily pads and sea grass that grows along side of the bank and you can see them walking along the pads like they are walking on water…..

Another Amazing thing about the ruins is that the stone isn’t native to the sight, it is brought in from other parts and put together with stucco made from the forest..Mr. Reyes explained that it took acres and acres of forest land to create the buildings that were there in order to make the stucco that held it together, and that didn’t count into how much it took just to build the foundation the buildings were on, that they didn’t believe in building on the forest floor but would build their streets and buildings up on a foundation to walk upon..Some of the information this descendant of a Mayan could give us was amazing.

After the tour through the ball court a family that had been on the tour with us came down to where Mr. Reyes and I had been talking and the father in a typical American tourist way was asking why the rest of the ruins had not been excavated and was told it was because the Belizean Government was Bankrupt..He then went on to question why the Belizean’s had not approached others such as colleges in the States to do this and I got into an argument with him….

Can you believe someone not seeing that they had had to fight to free themselves from the cruelties the British had put on them?  Britain had bleed the country dry and took their one major export and sucked it into its empire, this country is young, why would they want another country to come in and tell them how to do it? He then argued that it should be done and that money given for excavation wasn’t giving another country control and I responded by saying that any time money is involved there is always an issue of control.  But I was also thinking to myself why would you ask  the United States to do this thing? They are almost bankrupt themselves, spending way beyond their means to aid other countries that don’t appreciate it as it is….but are We any better than Britain?  We come in and demand that the country does things the way we want them to be….Maybe it’s just having been here a few months looking around and outside of myself I have seen other things that most Americans, in their eagerness to aid, don’t see.  That there is such a thing as God willed, if it was God’s will that the site was excavated completely, it would have happened by now and it’s such a good place to go see.  A place of peace and tranquility and Spider monkeys that howl like pre-historic creatures.  If you excavated this site, where would these wonderful monkeys go?  Where would these beautiful birds migrate to? 

The father said something to me about how I can’t equate what Great Britain had done to what the Americans could do and I calmly looked at him and said, “sorry, but you’re not projecting an image of security to them” and he asked me what I meant and I said “I’m not the one wearing a GB Cap on my head” and his son sniggered.   He took his hat off and looked at it, on the brim was the British flag and in typical American fashion he had the brand label on his clothes and it was a Great Britain cap on it…proving anyone can be brought…….

Reflections....

I had one of the worst moments ever on the 22nd of December....after being anxious all night and the excitement having built up to a peak I found out that my girls did not get to fly out of Buffalo making the rest of their subsequent travel plans dissolve in a heap.....I was beyond disappointed....I was hugely angry and ready to lash out and pack my bags and go back to the states to give some people a piece of my mind.... Incensed is a good descriptive word.....
I had been living among some of the calmest people I've ever met...I live in a village where the loudest noise you hear is the sound of fire crackers that the kids like to set off.  There is no loud cars rushing by, there are no angry people fighting, there are no loud shouts at each other it is, to say in Spanish, mas traquil..very quiet.   I enjoy this quiet village a lot
At the moment that I found out my kids were not going to make it on their planned departure I started wanting to cry and lash out.   Now there are things in Belize that could potentially drive you bonkers, things beyond your control and your ability to do anything about.  An excellent example would be the ferry from Copper Bank to Chenux was out making getting to Orchid Bay difficult at best.  It would be something that would drive anyone crazy because they would have to deal with the often difficult roads around here and making arrangements to do other things....Because these people here have no alternative other than to deal with life as it is they calmly accept something that as a US Citizen we would find unacceptable and would rant about...these people are stoic and accepting of many things....The States has been a mad house lately with people being so angry,  I can feel it all the way here.....I wonder how some of the people in the states would feel about some of the things we deal with here on a regular basis.....
It has pointed out something very vital to me, that the resiliency of the people here is so vast...their patience seems a humming type of thing, hidden behind their stoic faces but thriving ever so deeply...Their faith that God will find a plan and their dignity in the face of the adversity here is astounding, and a lesson to us all.

I passed out with anxiety and woke up and went onward in a kind of haze until the baptism...The Bishop in his booming voice reminded us that it wasn't Christmas yet...that Advent, the season we are actually in is a time of reflection and allowing God to go into our hearts....deep thinking on my part came up with how I had become "Obsessed" with having the perfect Christmas and hadn't done much reflecting on how God was working in my life...instead of looking at how my girls were safe in a hotel room I had forgotten the reason they were grounded had been unsafe conditions and that wasn't it better that we were safe?  Could I allow their absence to cut into allowing God his time?  Hadn't he already given me so much?
I think about how, as a people, the States have become the "I want it now" society..My wish is no longer I want it now, it's I want it when God deems it and safely....I think about how my daughter is ready to give birth and has been given so much grief about how big the baby is and how they want the baby out now, where is their patience?  Where is their belief that God has a plan and if the baby and the mother are safe then let God work this miracle of creation........
For this Christmas I have determined that it is time to put God in my heart and not let disappointment rule me....Thank you Copper Bank and God for this important lesson to this ole lady!!!

Yesterday a couple of friends of ours decided to host a Christmas Party...there is this guy named Earl, he's a biker from the states and says he used to work in waste management (he was a prison guard) and he looks a lot like Santa does to these kids...he's not fat, he's not round, he's a sweet quiet kind of guy...In the states you might look at him and think he's dangerous but here, the kids seem to relate him to Santa...
The friends we've made here, Dove and Phil own Copperbank Inn.  They are like Charlie and I in that we don't want to be one of the "gringos" behind the gates that don't mingle and get to know the people that are here.  We are not here to start endowments or to change these peoples lives, we are here to enjoy them and if we can help we would like to make their lives a little easier.   It's not an easy life here, it requires a bit of work but it's something that you know that you have made a choice on a simpler lifestyle so you take the good with the bad....So, Dove decided to put out a Christmas party where all the kids got to meet Santa, get a picture of themselves with him and a cookie and/or candy cane was given to each of them.  We were late in starting but then it was amazing at how many kids did show up.  There was about 120 kids in this village and I think they all showed...and it was wonderful.
I am amazed though at how difficult some people find it to put themselves out there like Dove and Phil did and do something for this little community.  If you knew the history of Dove and Phil you would think it even more amazing but that's a story for another day,....They went all out and had pictures taken, gifted candy and cookies to these kids and the kids were just amazed by all of it.  They have so little here that something like that overwhelms them.  Some of the kids live in virtual shacks with no electric.  They have gotten by on that lifestyle and don't know they could have better so they are content.....
It makes me wonder at my own "content-ness".  I have so much and I am thankful for all that has been given to me,  my family, my kids, my husband and pets and friends and the materialistic things I have.  Sometimes I think about my lifestyle I had in New York and how it was about keeping up appearances and worrying about providing that new video game my daughters wanted or to have the money for the dance or singing classes.  As parents we all want to provide our kids with the best that we can.....I think about how after the party I came back to look at my internet and find out that 27 kids had died in Connecticut and how their parents probably wouldn't care right now what it took to provide those kids with what they wanted, they would just enjoy having them back for a small Christmas party like the one that Dove and Phil put on for the village kids and I wonder, are we so different after all?
Life in the states was hard too....It was mentally demanding as well as stressful to think about how we were going to keep up with the Jones and it makes me wonder if maybe the people here don't really have the right idea about life...it's not about what you have, it's about who you are and being content that maybe that is just fine.......Do you wish in this Holiday Season that life would slow down a bit so you could once again feel the power of the spirit of what made Christmas special to you?  Was it so much the gifts or was it the magic of the season that made it really special for you as a child?  Don't you think it would be great if you could go back to that time or see the magic of it shining on the face of the child in front of you as he told you he wanted a control car for Christmas and you know that his Dad the fisherman would do anything to get it for him for Christmas???  Isn't this what made us enjoy the wonder of it in our youth?.....hmmm

Conch Shells & Lobster

This afternoon our landlord, Roger, came over to give me a conch shell.  He is a fisherman and I had asked him the last time he went out what they did with the conch shells after they harvested the conch from them.   Conch is used in a lot of the recipes here, cerviche is a huge favorite… I am in love with conch shells, I think they are gorgeous with the creamy mother of pearl pink inside to the rough gyrations of colors on the outside and the horny tips they use for protection…to me it’s one of life’s great master pieces… I will include a picture of it on the blog…

As we went over and were talking to them and I am stumbling through my Spanish  (Roger’s wife Lolita’s English is as good as my Spanish so we can communicate very well)  and talking amongst ourselves we started to have a conversation with them and were talking to each other and Lolita spotted me talking to Charlie in Spanish and stated that he must be getting better at understanding Spanish….he said yes, he was picking it up here and there and it was then that she looked at me and said that he understood what I had said to him although he doesn’t speak Spanish.  Charlie was explaining to her that when we worked together in our office he never really had to say much, that we would communicate without saying much to each other….this is true, after being in an office together we had gotten good at reading each other’s thoughts without saying much…but to now do it in Spanish??

I had gotten a big compliment earlier this week from the Zapatoria in Corozal.  I came up to him and asked him if he had repaired my husband’s shoes and was describing Charlie to him and doing it all in Spanish (without even realizing it!) and my friend Donna was with me.  She just stared at me and then Benny (the Zapatoria or Shoe repairman) asked her in English how long she had been here.  Now, Donna got her residency about 3 months ago and has lived here for more than two years.  She answered him and then he looked at her and asked her when she was going to learn Spanish as well as I had….It was funny but until he said that I had not realized I was even talking to him in Spanish…I then told him I tried and that I had taken Spanish in high school….He looked at me and smiled and said even though it was supposed to be an English speaking country he was glad I was trying and that I spoke pretty well…hooray, maybe I will learn this language well enough some day to understand all the “signals” the Belizeans give each other.  You gotta hand it to them, they have learned both languages and switch back and forth fluently….

The nice thing about having a fisherman as a neighbor is that we had been doing some neighborly things for them and they paid us back today in abundance. ( at least in my humble opinion!)  Roger pulled out his chest with his catch and I got to see Conch, Crab legs (yes Emily, crab legs) Lobster, fish and octopus…..he told us to take what we wanted.  I made Charlie take some conch because I know how much he enjoyed a conch chowder that a friend of ours made here…he said it was very similar to the New England clam chowder and we took home some lobster…just because!!!

It kind of made my day though. Little things mean a lot more here than they did in the states.  Our truck is broke down again (fuel pump AGAIN) and although our mechanic  is a nice guy and a good mechanic (everyone speaks wonderfully of him, both gringos and Belizeans alike) it is a hassle.  But we are fortunate to have a bus line here.  A great many Women ride the bus while their husbands have the family vehicle (if there is a family vehicle) and I can imagine how hard it is to schedule doing something like going to the market when the kids come home for lunch generally…and the time is tight for anyone to fit in…so I like to give the people here rides if I know them and it doesn't hurt me too much…I might see someone from the village walking through the bush on the way to Corozal and will pick them up.  It’s hard sometimes to imagine a life without electricity but some of these people do not have electricity, they get by pretty well.  The majority of the Mayans still cook outside over an open fire and I can tell you that it makes sense to a certain extent because beans take forever to cook inside!

Think about your life as you know it, would it be so hard to live without electricity?  How well prepared would you be for survival without have that cable of power?  Is this a simple necessity and how well would you like to live on necessity only versus wants?

Tortillas and Chili

Last night we had a chili night and invited a local family to our house.  Their son, Cesar had been nice enough (granted he was drunk at the time) to invite us over to his house for his mother’s home made onion soup…..Escabeche ( SS-cab-e-che) with fried chicken.  It was unlike any onion soup I had ever had before and was very good.  At the time I said to them that we needed to have them over for Chili some night and they gave me a funny look.. I found out later that Chili to them meant the Chili pepper, like a seasoning and it didn’t occur to me that they never had thought of Chili con carne at all as a dish but as a seasoned meat.  (chili pepper with meat is the loose translation).

So we had invited the whole family over for dinner.  The family consists of Sarafina, Mario (parents) Cesar and his wife, Samuel and his wife, Sandra and her daughter, the daughter of Cesar, Julissa and then Sonria the daughter of Samuel….10 in total but Mario goes to bed early so he didn’t come and the youngest son that lives with him works at the sugar cane factory nights didn’t come either.  They all live in one house even though Cesar has his own house he wants to live near his Momma and that’s how these people are….. in total there was 12 at the table and we had Chili and salad (they loved my salad)

In the course of the night we were talking and I told them I wanted to know how to make the corn tortillas from scratch.   They had invited CJ to a birthday party the next day for Julissa who is turning 6 today and the mother, Sarafina told me if I came at 10 the next day she would teach me how to make corn tortillas.  Now, Sarafina is Mayan and does things the old Mayan way.  She cooks her rice and beans on a fire outside and the chicken is done the old Mayan way as well.  She is teaching all her daughter in laws (3 of them I think) how to cook and it was funny because the whole family gathered around to see if the Gringo could make a tortilla.  She explained that they had made the maize the day before,  that I could see it being done another time.  They take the corn and boil it in something she called Gata,  I think it was corn starch.  It must boil to a certain point, if it boils too long or has too much corn starch it will be almost a sour smell to it and be very yellow, you really want a more white maize.  After you boil the corn you grind it. They used to use a mortar and pestle type of method with a very round rock and an elongated stone bowl but the Chinese have brought them grinders and instead of using the old stone in the fire they now have a pan that they use that is flat.  The product that the Chinese sell here is something you would probably never see in the states, they would be allowed to sell their stuff because it’s too full of lead!

After the corn is ground it becomes doughy and is almost pasty.  You then roll it up into a ball and using plastic there are two methods to form the tortillas, the first by hand the old Mayan way, the other with the “Chinese” press.  The ones by hand are better but time consuming or as Sandra, the daughter puts it :  Mas facil.   More easier….  The shaping of the tortilla is an art and it must be practiced to learn the perfection of it.  The funny thing is that Sarafina is the mother and the chief cook.  She runs her kitchen tightly and has all the daughter in laws and the daughter doing exactly as she tells them to and they are all cooking different things at the same time but she is putting the whole thing together in the end so it becomes a fiesta.   I am now one of her students.  I feel like I was there on a tolerance test and I wasn't found wanting.  Although my tortillas look like something the kids made they are edible and we will see how well I do when Sandra comes to my house in a week or so to make beans.

In the interim I feel as though I have passed a major mark in acceptance. It is hard because they are really united family groups in this town and to be accepted is “mas deficil”  very difficult.  Have you ever wanted to be accepted by a group and knew that since you were the outsider you needed to pass the test?   How did you feel when you finally felt like you had made a step in the right direction?

Traveling Walmart....

So, here's the thing....Belize is a second rate country! By that I mean that we get second hand stuff from other countries, like the states.  Stuff that Walmart couldn't sell and has given up on.   Anyways, I had earlier posted how important it was to be able to get the Belikan Beer Guy to stop so you could buy water, juices, coke, sprite, and other things.   When I was talking about this I thought it was good because at gas almost $13 BZ per gallon it would have been difficult for many of the people to go into shop, they would have to pay for the bus but then sometimes even that is too expensive because if you have to pay for the trip there and the trip back then you've spent money that you probably needed for the articles you wanted to buy.  I found out today that there is a truck that drives around with an assortment of articles for sale....like a traveling Walmart!!!

Traveling Walmart!

So, it was kind of neat to watch this guy travel down my road very slowly so all the people could flag him down if they wanted anything...

This reminded me of the days when Montgomery Wards would travel around delivering packages and selling articles off the truck, like maybe in the 40's.....So the real question here is....HOW advanced truly have we become as a society with our split level super malls?

The other thing a group of us were discussing today was the gringo's from Calvary were back in town....By that we mean that some Canadians that come down once or twice a year to "fix" things were back.  It's amazing how truly smart Belizian's are because they do accept the help and are not judgmental of this couple but quietly don't let them in on any of the real goings on....These people make me angry because they come down once or twice a year and say they are "helping" by bringing things like computers or books but they aren't here for the long haul....I mean the day in day out concern I have for some of the Belizian's and knowing how hard it is.  It's like putting a finger in the damn and knowing the whole thing could blow any time.  This couple were acting like they are all it and they are beloved endowments and they OWN the people.....it made me mad because I am here all the time and helping out in small ways but that these people were giving Gringo's a bad name...and I'm one of those gringos!!!

These people do not need someone to tell them how to make their life better, because truly they do have a good life here.  They do not need people to tell them how to do things, they can figure that out on their own. They just need a chance to be given the knowledge of things.   And if you come down here with a "Hail to me,  I am almighty" attitude what you will get is quiet people who will give you a smug look when your back is turned......truly, they have an amazing idea of what it takes to live and live well and they are resilient enough to figure out how to create a traveling Walmart....Wouldn't you give them kudo's for that???

I know I would!

Wouldn't you want to go without a Walmart once in awhile???

Frozen Veggies....

So, it’s passed, Thanksgiving is gone and I made it through it without a complete and utter break down like I normally do because I miss the folks so bad.  I thought this year would be harder still because the girls weren't around but the key to not letting a holiday get to you I think is to keep busy.  I think Mom would have appreciated how busy I've been keeping myself…..my body has been aching because I don’t sit as much as I used to and I like that to an extent…my feet have been protesting which tells me I need to take it easy on them….

Today, after church, we did what we've been doing lately and went to the market to try and buy enough fruits and veggies to get through the week.  Now this is really sad,  but one of the things I miss the most from the states I think is going into Wegmans and not having to think about what type of veggie to get, knowing I could put it in the freezer (I always bought the poly packs of veggies that are frozen) and then when I was rushing around in the rat race of life in NY I would simply throw a bag of frozen veggies in the microwave and be done with it.  Not so here!  Everything is fresh, you buy it fresh from the farm and you eat it quick before it goes bad. I've had stuff go bad and you feel the pain of it, thinking that you wanted to use it and then because of the heat here (they say it’s warm here but not much so to me anymore) everything goes bad quickly.   (Also, I didn't bring a microwave down here, why should I?  I am trying live simpler)

After my visit last week with my girlfriend Donna to Orange Walk and the Peoples Store and looking at the real deal as far as grocery stores I got to be thinking about how it’s so nice to eat fresh but knowing that sometimes when you buy something it will be going bad soon enough.   Like a head of cauliflower or broccoli, it doesn't take much and I love those two veggies and sometimes they are really hard to get.   So, today after Church when I was in the market I saw a full head of cauliflower!  I decided then and there I would buy the whole thing (usually they cut off how much you need) and I would “put some up”.   Now, we haven’t bought our property here yet so I haven’t started the garden and the lifestyle I want to attempt (trying to live as much self sustaining as possible)  but this small gesture could work to maintain my feeling that I would be more able to handle the care of produce and make it so I could live my words.   I bought some carrots as well (a staple down here and I think a healthy one, in church I was looking around and a lot of people here don’t have glasses, I think it’s because they eat so much carrots! ) and broccoli.  I put up a frozen bag or two of the veggies I brought and kept some aside for during the week. 

It is so easy to “Put away” veggies, I've been reading up on it and it doesn't require a whole lot of work, just general preparation.  You cut up the vegetable that you want and you par boil it in salted water and then put them in plastic bags and freeze them.   It was good because now that we are down to three people eating, buying one of those big bags wouldn't work anymore.  I love the fact that I could fill the bags with only as much as we would need for a meal.  Hey, this wasn't so hard!!!  And I was recycling too, cause I would keep using the same boiling water and just swap out which veggies I was boiling down….and then I used the boiling water to heat up my dish water (I don’t have a kitchen sink here, just two tubs, one with dish water and one with rinse and bleach)  and I felt good.  Then I figured something out…..In NY it was a rat race and I would race around like crazy working my butt off to make sure we brought in enough money to make it through another week,  here I am thinking things through and trying to live as cheaply as possible, it’s all about survival!  No matter where you are in life and what you do with your life you are trying your best to survive in that lifestyle that you feel is necessary….

What have you done lately to make your “survival” more successful?

Thanksgiving and Orange Walk....hmmm

So I've been down.   I get this way every Thanksgiving but maybe a bit more so today this year because I know I won't be like a lot of Americans, going to family and having this huge feast and while I cook watching Macy's Parade (It puts me into the next Holiday) then watching football and enjoying having the family around.....(Or not enjoying, whatever the case may be)  Thanksgiving has always been a hard Holiday for me simply because I am a busy bee....I love to cook and share  and this is one of the things I enjoy is cooking for my family....Mom always loved the stuffing and I would make it like she loved with plenty of sage and lots of spices.  Dad always competed with my father in law on the mincemeat pie and I think the girls loved the mashed potatoes, gravy and pies (Not necessarily the pumpkin, that was my favorite) and it was always a big preparation and planning time for me.  Not a reflection time like this year seems to be.

It's harder still on me because this is the longest I've been without seeing my girls.  I have 4 daughters and they've all grown up and gone on to their own interests and even if I was there for Thanksgiving I doubt they would be paying much attention to me.   Emily would be walking up to see her friend Garrett, Joanie would be in the kitchen for part of it but mainly her head would be on talking to her friends or boyfriend on Facebook and Heather has her own family and Holly was always going south to her friends.  Our "family" had grown and flown the coop in my mind, leaving Charlie and I staring at poor CJ ( our youngest) who felt he had to fill in the gaps.  My parents had died in recent year so that just made the last Thanksgiving horrible to us.  It had turned into an empty holiday.

Anyhow, thanks to some friends I think I am looking at Thanksgiving differently this year.....We are going to friends that have helped us to settle into our new life.  They have been so supportive of our decision to move here...knowing how hard this is to do.  They have filled in the blanks in our lives, given us information about the people here, shown us how this world is different and how we need to re think our lifestyle. It's funny that we are watching this old TLC show that my folks had on DVD called "Into the West" and it's like looking at how settlers and their movement into the creation of our nation and we are "settling" into a new country...I think I know the feelings from that time period.....

Today to kick off the Holiday "blues" I asked my Canadian friend to go with me to Orange Walk.  Now Orange Walk is a good hour to hour 1/2 away and a bit of a drive but it has some interesting shops and I wanted to check it out.   We went to this shop called Boundary which reminds me of a big Volunteers of America....it has lots of new to you stuff and I wanted to try and pick up Pie Pans because there isn't that many around here without paying a fortune for it.  We found the pie pans and I also found a dress across the street for a little girl that lives next door...I thought it was the prettiest dress and that she might like it and I bought it for her....(Made me feel good)

Then as we were walking to this fabric shop I liked called "Casa Economica"  which has cloth and lots of stuff that goes along with sewing I saw another shop that sold Tortilla's.  I've never been in one of these but this one looked so busy I decided to shop.  It was funny, I walked in there and you could see how everything was made, the machines they used and the fresh tortilla's coming out of there  (both flour and corn) and how they smelled so good!  I bought some taco chips,  a pound of Mesa (corn batter) and a pound of flour tortilla's just made (they tasted so good!) and the total for all this was $3.50...I looked at all the work it took for these people to make this and they only charged $3.50?

The next place we went to was this store called "The Peoples Store".  I had heard it was a good grocery store to go to but I was amazed....I walked in there and it was like going backwards in time....It was a store like they have in the states.   I looked around and my friend and I were exclaiming about finding things like chocolate cream cheese, nuts, Lays Potato chips, lemon in a bottle and Pedigree Dog food.  I saw Belizian's who live in Orange Walk staring at us and I was thinking how backwards I was...We were from the "bush" and living a meager lifestyle and I had been were they are, living in a city with a real grocery store that had things like Hershey's and other things.   We looked so backwards!!!!

It made me think of the thousands of times I would go grocery shopping in Wegmans and that I demanded a certain level of customer service and wouldn't accept anything less.  But in this store I didn't care about customer service, I only cared about the abundance of product....I think about how thanksgiving day is about how the pilgrims celebrated their abundance of harvest and how hard it was to live in a new land.  They were being Thankful for the people (American Indians) who helped them settle in the new land and how they were shown how to live in a new world and they had survived and all of the sudden Thanksgiving became something more than the yearning I had to see my girls or the loss of my parents or the wish I had to cook and please so many.   It was a bout celebrating having made it...hmmm, maybe God wanted me to look at the Holiday a little differently and decided this was the way to teach me.....

So, what do YOU think this holiday is about?  Do you think it's about time as a person you looked at the Holiday a little differently?

Feeling good...

So, today I am trying to explain (in Spanish mind you) what Thanksgiving means.

I went to a store that I found out later on I wasn't supposed to go to..(Something about the American Government and the war on Drugs and there was a warning issued that I never saw) to buy some pumpkin.  Now I have been all over Corozal looking for pumpkin of ANY kind for our Thanksgiving.  I am not doing a big one this year, a small group of us gringo's are getting together to celebrate the day.  I bought the turkey from the butcher's last week, got the potatoes (both white & sweet) and I even found olives! But darned if I couldn't find pumpkin anywhere!  So my friend Donna, who is Canadian took me to this store that I won't name and I found the pumpkin and lot of other things you can't find around Corozal ordinarily....hmmm
Anyhow, we had gone to a barbecue for our neighbor's son, Alex, because he needed to do a fund raiser for school.  If you ever get invited to a barbecue in Belize, go!  It's really great food. I had talked Donna into going with us and she took me to the store.  I felt good taking her with us because she doesn't get to go on her own often and we found some stuff she wanted.
At the barbecue we sat with our neighbors, something we hadn't been able to do because of all the things going on in both our lives right now.  It felt good to get together with them and just share some time...I even found out their daughter Narina has her birthday on the same day as CJ's!
On the way home I saw a woman walking with her child, a little girl.  We pulled over (something we occasionally do around her, but we are picky who we will do this for) and offered her a ride to Copper Bank, she was on the way to Chenoix (Pronounced Che Nu Ish) which is the next town over from us.  But we would take her at least as far as Copper Bank.
When we got to the ferry there was a guy broke down who needed some help and we helped him with getting something done under his vehicle, so he was up and running.  It felt good to know that we were able to help because it meant that we now knew what tools to carry with us for just such emergencies!
When I went to get off the ferry there was some issues with the ferry (the water is low right now) where I got stuck, that same guy that we helped helped us get out of the small ditch that was there.
After getting back to Copper Bank we dropped off Donna and then went to our house where Charlie jumped out of the car and took the groceries in and told me to go ahead and take the woman the rest of the way to Chenoix....It felt good going down the road speaking in Spanish and trying to explain to her what Thanksgiving meant!   The air was cooler than normal and the sky was a pretty color of pink and her daughter was so cute, with a shy little smile telling me how she really doesn't like her brothers (what a shocker) and that she want "una regalada" for Navidad...I said only 1 present?  She said yes, because she didn't want Santa mad at her for asking for too much!
On the way back from Chenoix I was thinking...Geez, I feel good!   It's one of those days that make you feel good...like you did something for your neighbors and still came out and enjoyed each other.....Don't you find when you work together that it feels good?

By the way, on the way to Chenoix we got stopped by some Gringos who pulled us over to ask for directions.  Because I had been speaking Spanish with the woman he looked at me and asked me "Do you speak English?"  I didn't realize I had been telling him directions in Spanish! When I answered him with a straight face "Un Pocito"  and said, "You do see my NY plates on the car, right?" he laughed!  Another feel good moment!

My daily diet...

My Daily diet….

So I've been thinking about lately what it is that makes us go…..you know, what makes life bearable for you?  I personally am the happiest clam alive as long as I know my family is doing well...the true family that I care about on a day to day basis.  I have some feelings for some family that shall be left alone during this post…(WHEW, you should all breath nicely now!!)   But what does it take to make the day worthwhile for you?  I think I need to be challenged mentally on a daily basis.  Not just the OK  I need to think about what we are having for dinner but the thought process that makes you wonder about things like organic gardening, clean air, clean living, healthy choices, and making thing work in a day to day choice mode…

I've found that I am enjoying living in Belize so much.  It challenges me to think thing through.  An example is the “Washing Machine” issue.  We bought a washing machine (not your typical washing machine but one of these cheap Chinese things that hardly works but does something more than the wash board does for me,  at least it’s not rocks!)  This thing needs to be hooked up into the water (I used a garden hose to put water in it) and then it drains.  Now, I don’t want to do my laundry outside.  I have too many projects going on and although most of the women in the village do their laundry outside, which makes it easy for them to not worry about draining, they just let the water run on the ground… I have this issue where the drain site I am using (the shower area) sits higher up than the machine does…the draining is done by good old fashioned earth pull so therefore, I am a little short.  Normally I try but Charlie does pull up the machine so it drains…  I have been steadily asking him for a “box on wheels” to put this machine on so it would make it more mobile to move around (it’s light enough though that I could carry it) and make it elevated enough that I don’t have to pick it up to drain it off.  Sounds simple enough, right?

Nope, nothing has been done about this for weeks though.  I am frustrated and want to voice my frustration and feeling like I want to regurgitate some of the diet I've taken in in frustration….( see my point?)  Now the heartburn is setting in and the diet is unbalanced.  I needed to step back and think things through…..see it’s simple enough to just put the machine inside the shower stall on a couple of boards so it’s above the drain and the water isn’t near the long cord for the plug…..now why didn't I think about it before?  Because my diet was unbalanced and that caused me to be unbalanced…..right????

So here’s the other part of it.  I am finding that the one thing I miss so dearly from my life before and the life I am living right now are my friends.  You know,  the people that you talk to briefly during the day?  The jokesters at the office that play the pranks or the person that you call to say “You won’t believe what happened to me today” people.  It’s not that I want to move back or anything because I am loving it here.  But my social life isn't what it used to be anymore.  I miss my Bridget and our coffee sessions where we would talk about the work that needed to be done and what had transpired in the previous hours…. Don’t’ get me wrong, I do have friends here.  There are special people that I have met that I wouldn't trade the experience of meeting them for anything!

Now I am trying to adjust my daily diet but it needs a slow adjustment.  If anyone is up to this task I think I am.  I know that on a daily basis I talk to people (YES, more than Charlie!) here but they aren’t on an even keel with me yet.  It’s like eating meat and potatoes and switching to rice and beans…you have to give the diet time to work it’s kinks out…..Is there some way you could enhance your daily diet?  Could you meet someone new, add a dollop of clotted cream to your diet?

RePost of Earlier with additives, for my friend MMR!

Sometimes I think I have to think…….alot today.  I have been caught up in my own emotional state because of this week.  My parents 54^th Anniversary shouldn’t play on my mind so much but it does because Brenda (me) was always the keeper of the holidays….Meaning that when it was a birthday or anniversary or other kind of important date I was the one out there being the cheer leader, “C’mon, lets get a cake, who’s got the balloons, did someone get a gift and who is coming and what are we having to eat” person.   You know, the high energy type “A” personality that gets up running and goes on just 5 cups of coffee a day?   I would love to gently allow these days to fade from my mind, but let’s admit that to do that now would mean my mind was fading, not the memory.  I am not sure I am up to that yet!

Anyhow, back to where I started…I was caught up in myself today and started cooking like I used to cook.  Not for 3 but for 6 to 8…I didn’t think it through, I was into the cutting and cooking and smelling and out came this big pot of stew….Not the kind of stew I would make in the states obviously because it would be more meaty and more brown and full of the fall veggies that we would get in NY in the fall.  But I put in potato, jicama, carrots, onions, some celery and some garlic, browned those in a butter to capture the taste, browned the meat on the side (I add a little vinegar here because I think the meat is a little gamey and want to smooth that out) and then add them together and let the flavors mingle.  It makes the house smell so good and then you look at this big pot of wonderful stew (yes, I know, that is my opinion)   So,  I didn’t think it through.  I made this huge pot and not enough people to enjoy it’s goodness and so impulsively I did something else…..

I called friends of ours.  Now we’ve been going back and forth for years visiting these people.  We have our reasons for coming to Belize and they have theirs.  Ours are fairly simple, we wanted out of the rat race we were in.  It was killing us both not only emotionally and mentally but physically it was killing me and we needed to be in a lot less stressful environment. We figured out that we were working to pay others and it wasn’t really living.  Now, we are the type of people that like to interact with others.  We always enjoyed doing for others as much as we would do for ourselves.  It was always in our nature to spend time with other people and enjoy their company.    But not everyone is the same as us……some people move to Belize simply because people overwhelm them.   Some people move here to be left alone.  Some people move here just to retire and enjoy their days doing not much of anything and some people come here to be with others in their own little cliché.  Some expats come to become preppers, with the idea that the world will end or that there will be a zombie apocalypse!

I didn’t think about how much time this week we’ve spent together and how often these really great friends of ours really interact with others so I called expecting a “YES, I would love to have some of your delicious stew” and got a “well, I have to check and see what the spouse thinks” answer.  Looking back and thinking it through I remember how often they have interacted with us and it was never more than once or twice a week.  We have been together about 3 times this week doing things.  They live really far out in Bush land and seem like solitary people and here I was being my over abundant self and now I feel bad.  Charlie says I am paranoid but when I explained what I really thought he agreed, maybe I’ve overstepped and interfered and put someone in a bad position without realizing it.  I didn’t think it through.

Now, I could let that eat me up and quite literally when I was in the rat race I would have.  I would have let it bother me so much more.  But being here I get to think…..I get to think things through and I find myself being excited with life again…..I am enjoying being able to think and have quiet around me and the sound of the waves in the lagoon, the sound of the roosters crowing and kids riding their bicycles by and having fun and the quiet hum of the refrigerator are all that I have to disturb me.  I can enjoy the smell of the stew that is quietly simmering on my stove and be thankful that I HAVE the stew.  And I can let go of the small things like, did I bother my friends too much because in Belize, they don’t sweat the small stuff and I know my friends will only politely smile at me and know that in some ways I am trying to break the traditions of the rat race and slow the “f” down Belizean Style………Have you ever just wanted to slow down Belizean Style?  Could you find a way to make that happen for you?

P.S.  God works in mysterious ways....my friend called and said that she wanted us to come over with the stew and we did..as it is, she runs a small cabana/bar with her husband.  I agreed thinking what the heck, but when we got there she suddenly had unexpected guests and needed help fixing up the rooms and getting them set up with everything.  I think that God makes us do things in certain ways sometimes!

Sometimes I think I have to think…….alot today.  I have been caught up in my own emotional state because of this week.  My parents 54^th Anniversary shouldn't play on my mind so much but it does because Brenda (me) was always the keeper of the holidays….Meaning that when it was a birthday or anniversary or other kind of important date I was the one out there being the cheer leader, “C’mon, lets get a cake, who’s got the balloons, did someone get a gift and who is coming and what are we having to eat” person.   You know, the high energy type “A” personality that gets up running and goes on just 5 cups of coffee a day?   I would love to gently allow these days to fade from my mind, but let’s admit that to do that now would mean my mind was fading, not the memory.  I am not sure I am up to that yet!

Anyhow, back to where I started…I was caught up in myself today and started cooking like I used to cook.  Not for 3 but for 6 to 8…I didn't think it through, I was into the cutting and cooking and smelling and out came this big pot of stew….Not the kind of stew I would make in the states obviously because it would be more meaty and more brown and full of the fall veggies that we would get in NY in the fall.  But I put in potato, jicama, carrots, onions, some celery and some garlic, browned those in a butter to capture the taste, browned the meat on the side (I add a little vinegar here because I think the meat is a little gamey and want to smooth that out) and then add them together and let the flavors mingle.  It makes the house smell so good and then you look at this big pot of wonderful stew (yes, I know, that is my opinion)   So,  I didn't think it through.  I made this huge pot and not enough people to enjoy it’s goodness and so impulsively I did something else…..

I called friends of ours.  Now we've been going back and forth for years visiting these people.  We have our reasons for coming to Belize and they have theirs.  Ours are fairly simple, we wanted out of the rat race we were in.  It was killing us both not only emotionally and mentally but physically it was killing me and we needed to be in a lot less stressful environment. We figured out that we were working to pay others and it wasn't really living.  Now, we are the type of people that like to interact with others.  We always enjoyed doing for others as much as we would do for ourselves.  It was always in our nature to spend time with other people and enjoy their company.    But not everyone is the same as us……some people move to Belize simply because people overwhelm them.   Some people move here to be left alone.  Some people move here just to retire and enjoy their days doing not much of anything and some people come here to be with others in their own little cliche.  Some expats come to become preppers, with the idea that the world will end or that there will be a zombie apocalypse!

I didn't think about how much time this week we've spent together and how often these really great friends of ours really interact with others so I called expecting a “YES, I would love to have some of your delicious stew” and got a “well, I have to check and see what the spouse thinks” answer.  Looking back and thinking it through I remember how often they have interacted with us and it was never more than once or twice a week.  We have been together about 3 times this week doing things.  They live really far out in Bush land and seem like solitary people and here I was being my over abundant self and now I feel bad.  Charlie says I am paranoid but when I explained what I really thought he agreed, maybe I've overstepped and interfered and put someone in a bad position without realizing it.  I didn't think it through.

Now, I could let that eat me up and quite literally when I was in the rat race I would have.  I would have let it bother me so much more.  But being here I get to think…..I get to think things through and I find myself being excited with life again…..I am enjoying being able to think and have quiet around me and the sound of the waves in the lagoon, the sound of the roosters crowing and kids riding their bicycles by and having fun and the quiet hum of the refrigerator are all that I have to disturb me.  I can enjoy the smell of the stew that is quietly simmering on my stove and be thankful that I HAVE the stew.  And I can let go of the small things like, did I bother my friends too much because in Belize, they don’t sweat the small stuff and I know my friends will only politely smile at me and know that in some ways I am trying to break the traditions of the rat race and slow the “f” down Belizean Style………Have you ever just wanted to slow down Belizean Style?  Could you find a way to make that happen for you?

La Dia Del Muerte

So, today is La Dia Del Muerte or as Catholics would have you call it All Souls Day.  It’s a day usually celebrated by putting out good foods and things that loved ones who have passed would enjoy.  Usually they make cookies and other items in the shape of skulls and name the skulls in honor of their loved ones.  I thought, OK, so let’s get into this one, since Halloween was such a damper with CJ not feeling well.  I was thinking of making cookies in the shape of skulls and baking them with my chicken (better to only heat up the house once a day because it takes so long to cool down) so I took out my Joy of Cooking cookbook to look up a recipe and found one for Coconut Macaroons.  Wow, I hadn't done the Macaroons that often when I was in NY because Coconut was so expensive, here I was with coconuts all over my yard! 

I pointed out the recipe to Charlie and said, I want to do this one.  He said great, let’s try out the grinder that our landlords left on the table in the back yard.  Out he goes and about 10 minutes later comes back in and has almost 2 cups of coconut ground up.  He says it’s easy; the hard part is breaking up the coconut.  But my recipe calls for 3 cups so he’s out there now, plugging away at breaking up a coconut.  Now, I know you don’t use the ones that have fallen off the tree already, they are overripe, but I never knew how he got the fresh ones so I am watching him.  He takes one of the fallen ones and throws it really hard into the tree and down falls two ready ones.  I have yet to ask him why he picked one over the other but he does…(all I know is I am glad he didn't get hit in the head with them, one almost did)  He then takes the coconut that he’s chosen over to this big  stump like thing that’s in the ground, it’s got a point on it and it’s been there (I found out later on after I moved that the majority of the block uses this one tree stump) to remove the husk.  He slams the nut on the point and pulls and eventually the husk comes off.  Once that’s done, as he put it, it’s a matter of gravity…we live in a concrete house with a concrete floor.  He puts a hole in it gently with a screw and drops it until it cracks, then you pry the shell apart and using the grinder you grind it.

So, I am making these coconut macaroons in the shape of skulls and I've put little M&M’s on them for the eyes and mouth holes and they are in there.  But a note to self, when using fresh (and I do mean fresh) coconut, you need so much less liquid….so they are coming out watery and they have to bake a bit longer….we shall see.  I just know the flavor is spot on and like everything in Belize, you gotta try it at least once….Has there been anything new in your life you would like the adventure of trying out?  Don’t wait till tomorrow because tomorrow never comes….

Jesus & Lizards......

Do you know what a Jesus Lizard is?   I just found out,  it’s a lizard that walks on it’s two hind legs and since it moves so fast that when it walks across puddles they look like they are walking on water.  You can see them all over the place here, I see them skittering across the road when I am driving down it.  They are cute, and I do mean cute cause I am one of those women who hate snakes but don’t mind Lizards.  We have a sizeable one in the back yard.  Every time I walk outside he is there and greets me and I swear there is some intelligence in his eyes and the way he cocks his head as if in answer to my questions….He’s got some pretty markings on his back in a kind of lime green color and some places he has the typical dark green of his kind….

The reason we have seen so many lizards is because it’s been rainy season and they are skittering around to find food.  The water by the ferry has caused a major mud plane with about 6 holes around 20 feet wide and about 8 to 12 inches deep, I only know cause when I step out of the truck you can see the muck left behind on the side step, it’s pretty covered.  Here there are car washes that clean out UNDER the car and then oils the bottoms down.  Because during the rainy season there are muddy roads, lots of holes and “puddles” (I call them mini Lakes).  We’ve had some major work on the car because of the roads, things like the break lines get caked in mud and then they break and we have to replace them.  Most important person when you come to Belize is a good mechanic, we are lucky to have one!

The weather is starting to get cooler finally.  It should normally been in the 80’s but it’s been in the 90’s.  We are finally getting some eastern winds instead of the northern winds that were holding the higher temps up there.  It’s still hard to believe that it’s Halloween and we are waiting for some of the village kids to come around for trick or treating.  I was told they would but haven’t seen any yet.  CJ wanted to go out and about but he’s been sick today and complained that he just didn’t feel well, I think the change in temperature has affected him cause he sounds nasally…..hmm.    Still doesn’t feel much like Halloween and I think that’s because there was a pumpkin shortage.  Normally the Belizian’s get their pumpkins from Mexico but this year none.  I wish I had thought creatively like my friend Lynn who used watermelons, I love to eat water melons and it would have been something to have CJ carve one.   Oh, Well, there’s always next year!

My days have been getting shorter to me…I have so many projects I want to complete but I don’t seem to find myself focusing on the projects as much as I would want.  What would you do with a wandering mind????