Patience.........

I've been thinking alot lately about some things and I don't have my Bridget to sound things off of.   It seems my blog has been skimming the surface waiting for me to have some time to formulate some of my thoughts.  The biggest issue I had had recently is my brother in law's vicious attack on me when I left and how it really bothered me.  He said I was running away and I am still trying to figure out what he meant by that.  Running away from what?   In New York we had a pretty good life.  I got up every day and went to work and I did have a small sense of satisfaction that I was helping people. 

And while the majority of our clients were very nice some of those people felt "entitled" which is a sense of you owe me and it was hard at times to ignore the sometimes snotty attitude of people and just realize that with a basic sense of self that we did the best we could for everyone around us.  The last few years had been very hard on me since I had to come to terms with holding both my parents as they died in my arms within 6 months of each other.  The kids had grown up somewhat and I had felt I had done the best I could for them and I was proud (still am) of having raised some pretty good kids in a society I felt uncomfortable with.

I was a typical American.  I was upset with the way the country was run and confused on how to change the direction of our country.  Little by little I see basic freedoms being taken away in the "protection" of our nation.   I see government thinking that we don't know how to make good choices and little by little being told what I could or could not do as a course of law..

I had my own disillusion with the law.  I saw things in the field that I was working in that just didn't make sense.  I saw people struggling with trying to do the right thing when the law made it hard and I saw people slowly being so unhappy.  I felt out of touch with basic living.  I was too busy doing the "right" things, taekwondo, providing computers, games, electronic gadgets, going to meetings for community service and spending less time doing basics with the kids. Time seemed to be my enemy and now looking at it, it felt like a moving train that had no stop to it.

And then Rob said I was running away.   I have to thank him, because he made me stop and think about things that had happened before we left.  I did feel a big sense of fear coming here.  Yes, it was an adventure but heck, wasn't I secure already?  Did I have to rock the boat?  Was I crazy to leave the security I had knowing that the life I wanted was so much harder?  And then there was Charlie pulling at me.  Most people don't realize how much he pulled me to get us here, he knew my thoughts and he pushed me to come. But Belize called to me and Charlie like no other.   It's not an easy life....not at all.  Why did I want to come here?

My typical day here, spent working harder than I've ever worked before and trying to develop a sense of patience that would be like no other.   I wake up usually around 5:30 here.  The sun greets us and it's another day, busy beyond belief yet quiet, so very quiet compared to our old life.  We make beds, we get breakfast (usually whatever fruit we can cut up, watermelon, pineapple, banana or melon) get CJ off to school (it starts at 8 here but he rides his bike and needs to get there before so he usually leaves around 7:45.  Then I work until around 11 on painting.  It's best to do as much work as you can in the morning here since the afternoon is stifling hot and you don't want to move around that much.  We have been having our big meal of the day at the noon hour here.   It's usually something like rice and beans.  There are other meats available here (quite lean cuts) but you really see alot of chicken here.  After dinner we clean up, and a thorough cleaning.  Every day I wash the dishes outside just like the villagers (an old camping way of doing things) sweep and mop the floors ( you want it all gone otherwise the ants and mosquitos want to come in so cleaning really well makes it less likely to have alot of insects around.  I usually wash some clothes (by hand as well though we do hire out, there is a woman who does the laundry for $8 Bz a unit and I've brought things to her but I try to keep up on my own) and then work some more until CJ comes home.

Evenings are family time.  We spend the time over our lunch trying to learn Spanish, watching a movie on the computer or playing a game together.   Our internet works off hand, meaning when you have a hand it's not working....so we have to be self entertaining.  

When getting furniture in Belize there are several levels of furnishings.  The things you buy in the shops (over run rooms with jumbles of items and no sense to them at all!) are usually done by Menonite, and therefore, uncushioned, hard and a pain in the backside (literally!).   We have our table and chairs.  We bought a set of bunkbeds ( they are being made at Lydias) and it takes 2 weeks Bz time ( I will explain that in a moment) we ordered our kitchen cabinets from Lydia's too, same time frame (here the kitchens are empty rooms that you make up as you go) I am still waiting for our basics from NY, mattresses, sewing machines, TV's and kitchen goods so we are "making do" and I went to Belmopan to order our furniture from Hummingbird Highway, 2 weeks Bz time.

Now, what do I mean by Bz time?  Well, the American dollar is worth 2 times the amount that the Belizian dollar....so American time, 2 weeks is two weeks, BZ time, two weeks equals "right now" meaning maybe in six weeks..... we are camping out in our house.  It would try the patience of a saint!  I am still looking for the beds for the girls and Brian for christmas when they come and I am looking to try and get through each day patiently..so why did I "run away"?  hmmm....nothing can beat how I feel at night.   I am accomplished and connected and in love with this life.   Thanks to Charlie who pulled me here (almost kicking and screaming Andy!) I am in a good place.  Thank you Rob for you have taught me that my virtues here mean so much more!

I look out at the lagoon and I am at peace.  Thank you Lord for the day you made!